The Swinging Panda . . .

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W. E. B. Du Bois’ 1899 account as a young, black schoolmaster in the SouthNews article (

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Raising Kids


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Jungle Story

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Confession . . .

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says, “I’m sleeping with the minister’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after the services for me?”
Mike doesn’t like it, but being a friend he agrees.
After the services, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he’s really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. “My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.”
The minister smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike’s shoulder and says, “You better hurry home.
My wife died a year ago.” 
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Baby Elephant witnesses family murder . . . dies

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If we had Facebook in 1961 . . .

If we had Facebook in 1961:

Status update: “Great speech by JFK. Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.”

27 likes. 3 Shares.


Jeff: JFK is a dick.

Lisa: JeFF is a dick.

Jeff: Real mature.

Dan: What has Kennedy done for the country? Squt.

Lisa: It’s his first day, moron. And u can’t even spell squat.

Jeff: Well, u got a Catholic in the White House. Hope ur happy.

Lisa: What’s wrong with Catholics?

Jeff: Just wait till birth control is outlawed.

Zeke: Best reason for birth control: Kennedy.

Jeff: Or you.

Zeke: Hey! I’m agreeing with you.

Jeff: Oh. Sorry.

Marcy: You’re an idiot!

Dan: Whooze an idiot?

Marcy: Jeff but you 2. Whooze?????

Craig: The Pope sucks. He’s personally responsible for the deaths of 200,000 villagers in Africa.

Marcy: Says who?

Zeke: Says whooze?

Craig: Says a guy in my typing class who knows these things.

Paul: Typing 1 or Typing 2?

Jeff: I hadn’t heard that but I believe it.

Craig: He was right about Liz Taylor being a hermaphrodite.

Dan: She’s a Jew?

Lisa: And u like who Craig — Buddah?

Craig: If Kennedy’s got to call one religious leader yeah I’d rather have him call Buddah than the Pope.

Lisa: U mean on the phone?

Paul: I hear he’s unlisted.

Lisa: lMFAO.

Seth: Whose the first lady that you’d most wanna sleep with?

Lisa: Don’t you mean whooze?

Dan: Screw you Lisa! Did I spell that rite?

Jeff: New law: Everyone must eat fish on Friday.

Lisa: U r so ignorant! What r u? A Baptist?

Zeke: I like salmon.

Marcy: Are you saying Baptists are ignorant?

Craig: Mary Todd Lincoln. I’ve seen photos. Total MILF.

Seth: She was bat shit crazy.

Dan: Probly a Baptis.

Dan: Can Baptis screw? I forget.

Zeke: How are they gonna get new Baptists if they don’t screw?

Craig: So by that logic there should be no more Catholics.

Paul: It’s just the priests who can’t screw you idiot!

Craig: Then there should be no more priests.

Paul: Sellabacy sucks!

Marcy: Jackie Kennedy looks like Liz Taylor.

Jeff: Kennedy is a mafia tool.

Lisa: How about Nixon? He was personally responsible for coupes in Peru, Bolivia, Tasmania, and one or two other South American countries. The Republican Party just hushed it up.

Zeke: Can the government really pass a law that we have to eat fish on Friday?

Jeff: Kennedy will throw out the laws. In two months the US will be a martial state. There will be checkpoints at all Catholic churches and anyone who gets out of line will be brainwashed in the country’s secret brainwashing facility in … I’ve already said too much.

Lisa: How long did it take u 2 recover from the brainwashing?

Jeff: Read a newspaper once in awhile!

Marcy: Was it the Republicans or Democrats who hushed up the secret economy collapse?

Craig: What secret economy collapse?

Zeke: What if someone is allergic to fish?

Marcy: The one in 1956.

Seth: How could the economy collapse in 1956 and no one knew about it?

Marcy: Everyone was watching the Olympics.

Paul: Who would you rather screw – Liz Taylor or Mary Todd Lincoln?

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